My mother Agnes Defendorf died on Tuesday evening August 16 in a manner that most would only wish for - surrounded by family who have had ample opportunity to express to her their love and gratitude.

Mom's funeral Mass at St. Charles Borromeo Church in Greece, NY was truly a celebration of her life and the fulfilment of God's promise. Bishop Matthew Clark was kind enough to accept my invitation to preside. Her children and grandchildren fully participated in the celebration. I had the privilege of deaconing, proclaiming the Gospel and preaching. Several friends from near and far were able to join us at either the calling hours or Mass. Others who were not able to attend also sent assurances of prayer and consolation.

Mom was laid to rest next to my dad at Holy Sepulchre Cemetery in Rochester.

Following a funeral luncheon, Pat and I rejoined the guests at Catholic House in Chautauqua where Pat has been serving as House manager and sacristan. We'll be here until shortly before the end of the month.

Thanks and blessings to all who included Mom and our family in prayer over the past few weeks.

My Sent to Serve column this week was written on the night before Mom's passing. It includes my reflection on Preparing to say "Good bye." . Click the image to the right for our printable column (Adobe PDF file, plugin needed)

August 21, 2005: PREPARING TO SAY “GOODBYE”
I am writing this column on Monday night, August 15. It is the Feast of the Assumption of the Blessed Virgin Mary. It is also the day I expected to say a final “good-bye” to the mother that my daughter Monica calls “Agnes of God.”

Since early Wednesday morning when my mother was taken by ambulance to Highland Hospital, my sister Linda and I have “camped out” in her hospital room. Early on, the prognosis of the resident physician was not positive.
Tests given in the ER showed that pneumonia had become well advanced in her lungs. A life-long smoker, mom’s Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease
(C.O.P.D.) had opened the door to the discomfort and disease which will most likely take her life.

After two days of aggressively fighting the pneumonia with antibiotics, her doctors concluded that they were fighting a losing battle. It was then that we made the very difficult decision to begin a plan of care that would allow mom to be comfortable and pain free during her last days of life on this earth. Since, mom has received morphine to slow her agitated breathing and reduce her discomfort, continuous oxygen, cooling cloths on her head, and the continuous presence of family members holding her hands and speaking words of love and faith.

Throughout these days and nights, Linda and I have been joined by mom’s grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Each has, according to their age and ability, spoken words of love directly to Mom, prayed with her and said their “good byes.” My children, Chris, Annie and Monica, drove to Rochester on Thursday night - arriving about midnight. Sitting close to Mom, (who was then still somewhat lucid) they shared humorous stories and sang family favorites for about an hour. The visit ended with a brief communion service in which mom received her ‘viaticum’ - food for the journey. (Earlier, hospital chaplain and my long-time friend Fr. Walt Plominski administered the Sacrament of the Sick.)

Sunday at midnight my brother Leo arrived from Topeka, Kansas to say his good-byes, pray the rosary and join in our nightly vigils. Which brings us back to today, the Feast of the Assumption. Will tonight be the night? Or perhaps tomorrow or Wednesday. Only God knows. But when the time comes, Mom will be ready and we will be confident that we have spoken the words that most need to be said and heard. “We love you mom. Thank you!”

Agnes H. Defendorf died at 8:35 p.m., August 16, 2005. May she rest in peace.
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GOOD-BYE TO JO AND BONNIE
Even as I’ve waited from mom’s call to new life, two dear friends received the call. Today, her family and friends commended Josephine Warren to the Lord’s embrace. Tomorrow afternoon in Corning I’ll preside at the funeral of Bonnie Hogan who was a parishioner of St. Patrick’s Church where I served as pastoral moderator. Both were women of remarkable faith and generous spirit. God has truly been glorified by their lives.

THANK YOU!
Many thanks for your gracious and generous response to Sr. Peg Regan, SSND and the missionary work of the School Sisters of Notre Dame. Once again this week our Summer Second Collection will serve missionary activities.
Our monthly Can and Quarter Collection helps us serve the needs of numerous people (very few are parishioners) who seek our assistance in times of unemployment or financial need. Remember that a very generous donor has offered to MATCH your gifts to the Can and Quarter collection. Another parishioner has underwritten this month’s ministry to the residents of the Steuben Health Care and Taylor Nursing Facilities. It costs about $50 to provide Mass, Anointing, and Communion Services to the Catholic residents of these nursing homes each month. Thanks to this donor. If you’d like to underwrite a parish ministry, please contact the parish office.

Thanks also to all who have returned the 2005-2006 Sunday Giving Estimate Forms that we requested that you return before last weekend. Our Finance Committee will meet in September to complete a balanced operational budget.
Your estimates will greatly assist them in this process. If you have not returned this form, please do so this week.

Have a good Summer. Serve one another well!

I pray that you will enjoy this visit, and if you like,
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