Following Mom's funeral, Pat and I returned to Chautauqua where Pat, with lots of help from Deanna Bliss and very little help from me served as House Managers of Catholic House. It has been a good experience. We've met hundreds of people including the wonderful Faith Filled people of the Chautauqua Catholic Community, guests at Catholic House, and kind, caring and very capable priest chaplains.

A highlight for Pat was singing throughout the nine-week season in the Chautauqua Choir - a 100 + group that sings at Sunday's ecumenical morning worship and evening's Sacred Song concert.

On Monday we leave for Corning and Bath with an invitation from the Chautauqua Catholic Community to return next year. We are so blest.

In this week's column, I have written a eulogy of my mom in hoes of getting her canonization process off the ground.

Blessings to all . . .

This week's Sent to Serve Column will be available soon Printable column (Adobe PDF file, plugin needed)

August 28, 2005 A LIFE LIVED IN FAITH AND LOVING SERVICE Last week I shared with you my thoughts as our family waited for the imminent passing of my mother, Agnes Hart Defendorf. This week, I hope that you’ll permit me to tell you a little about this strong and faith-filled woman who died last Tuesday evening in the Hospice unit of Highland Hospital in Rochester.

Agnes was one of six children born to Arthur T. and Catherine Albrecht Hart of Rochester. Mom’s strongly Catholic family included an uncle Monsignor William Hart who served as Vicar General of the Diocese of Rochester under Bishop James E. Kearney. The extended family also produced three other priests, Fr. William Hart, Fr. Richard Hart and Basilian Fr. Bill Frankenberger.

When mom was about eight, her mother died of tuberculosis. Arthur was assisted in raising his family by his wife’s mother and sister. Agnes was a good student. Following her high school graduation from Nazareth Academy,
she was offered a scholarship by Nazareth College. But, her father
declined the scholarship because “Girls don’t need an education to raise a family.” Mom took a secretarial job at Kodak. During the early days of WWII, while attending an Arthur Murray dance school with friends, mom met my dad R. Elwood Defendorf, a young rather brash member of the Army/Air
Corps. They married and during nearly 30 years of marriage shared their
love and Catholic faith with three children. I was the oldest followed two years later by my sister Linda and four years later by my brother Leo—whose name was inspired by “Leo and Mary” the “Dick and Jane” of my Catholic School reader.

Shortly after Lee’s birth, Dad was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis—a then little known progressively debilitating disease of the central nervous system. Over about twenty-five years, Mom faithfully cared for my Dad as he progress from cane to crutches to wheelchair. The last five years of his life, Dad was totally bedridden unable to feed himself of turn himself over. Throughout our childhood, Mom protected Dad’s dignity and desire to be “head” of the family. At a time when few “handicapped” people were seen in public, our family lifted dad’s wheelchair up the steps of Church, never missing a Sunday or Holy Day Mass. Mom and Dad were founding members of the Rochester Area Multiple Sclerosis Society (RAMS). Each Thanksgiving and Christmas, we opened our home to two residents of the Monroe County Infirmary who had MS and no family to care for them.

When Dad died in 1970, Mom was in her early 50s. Within a year she enrolled at Monroe Community College and then Brockport State College where, in 1975 she received a degree in Social Work. Shortly after graduation, Mom began a twelve year career at the Hurlburt Nursing Home where she continued her
life of caring for the infirm. Upon her retirement, Mom spent an
additional 10 years volunteering at Hill Haven Nursing Home where her sister Mary was a patient. During these years, Mom served as a Eucharistic Minister to the Sick and Homebound at St. Charles Borromeo Church. Each week she would bring the Lord through Scripture and Holy Communion to several elderly and infirm parishioners.

Mom’s home on Elwood Drive (named for my father by my grandfather, a contractor who built ours and several other homes on the street) was always a place of welcome and hospitality to all. The basement was converted to an “apartment” for grandchildren making the break from living at home and others (some relatives some not) who were “in transition.”

Mom loved unconditionally and with patience, humility, gentleness and good humor that reflected her great faith in God and acceptance of her baptismal call. These great virtues made her only obvious flaw - a belief (inspired by my very conservative brother) that the O’Reilly Factor really was a “No Spin Zone” and Fox News really is “Fair and Balanced” tolerable. Before lapsing into a morphine induced sleep, a nurse asked “Agnes how are you doing?” “I’m fine,” she replied. “Is there anything I can do for you?” the nurse continued. “No.” she murmured, then catching herself . . .”No THANK YOU.”

Mom died in a manner that most would only wish for - surrounded by family who have had ample opportunity to express to her their love and gratitude.

Mom's funeral Mass at St. Charles Borromeo Church in Greece, NY was truly a celebration of her life and the fulfillment of God's promise. Bishop Matthew Clark was kind enough to accept my invitation to preside. Her children and grandchildren fully participated in the celebration. I had the privilege of deaconing, proclaiming the Gospel and preaching. Several friends from near and far were able to join us at either the calling hours or Mass. Others who were not able to attend also sent assurances of prayer and consolation. Mom was laid to rest next to my dad at Holy Sepulcher Cemetery in Rochester.

Following a funeral luncheon, Pat and I rejoined the guests at Catholic House in Chautauqua where Pat has been serving as House manager and sacristan. We'll be here until shortly before the end of the month.

Again, thanks for your prayers, friendship and support.

Have a good week. Serve one another well!

I pray that you will enjoy this visit, and if you like,
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